admin

Chapter 1

The question often asked, is our existence preordained; is our life mapped out for us? I've always presumed that life and its events, from creation to the present day has been a series of accidents. Extinction of the dinosaur was probably the most famous event, caused by an asteroid colliding with the Earth, or so they say. Closer to home, consider the present day accidents, what are the possibilities of my parents meeting, liking each other and getting married, with the union producing a daughter, not a son? I could not believe that creation was planned, that our lives are defined, denying us the freedom of choice. Although I believed the way we live our lives, some twists and turns are inevitable. What sort of entity would create a war like species, born to intentionally kill, rape, and extort from its own, while destroying the Earth's natural resources? How could it rein terrible illnesses upon its children and allow its representatives to abuse them?

Consider the unenviable way I was raised, influenced by my parents, and expected to marry the son of their best friend's. Was it intervention, or by accident that I gave birth to a son and not a daughter? Also, we need to take into account that particular day Troy started kindergarten. Consider the most damming piece of evidence of all, when Troy my twenty five year old son and my husband were killed by a drunk driver in an automobile accident. Consider also the fact that Douglas, who I hadn't seen for several years, came to my rescue when I was being forced to sell my house and car, to pay off my husband's debts. Some people say there is a specific moment when the smallest incident defines the direction and outcome of our lives. In those early years, I was always skeptical.

Sorry, my name is Vivian; and I now believe the moment when my life was mapped out, was the day Troy, my three year old son, started kindergarten. Troy was a wonderful child, big for his age, athletic and a good looking kid. Several children started that day including Douglas Masters, an undersized, underweight, skinny, geeky looking kid, who never had any friends. It all started when an older bully boy, who had been attending kindergarten for nearly two years, immediately began intimidating Douglas giving him a hard time. Troy being Troy went to Douglas's aid, and although they never knew each other, he sorted the bully boy out warning the kid off, and so an inseparable friendship was formed, but not one that I approved of.

Before proceeding with my story you should really understand my mind set, which can only be attributed to being raised in a very strict religious community. The community's attitude towards sex was almost non-existent, if not taboo. Intercourse was tolerated, because it was necessary for the procreation of the species. Discussions related to sex were forbidden, and practicing sex for the sake of enjoyment or satisfaction, was the devils work. My parent's, showed me very little affection, and none towards each other. I never saw them kiss, in fact I never saw them cuddle or put an arm around each other. But something must have stirred their emotions, because of my existence. Even my school was a religious institution, governed by our church elders, resulting in boys and girls being kept separate wherever possible. I only hope that this account of my early life goes someway to explain my actions; and behavior in later years.

Matthew Kent and I were married just after my eighteenth birthday, he was twenty six, and could be described as an arranged marriage, although we were not forced on each other; it was more subtle than that. My parents and Matthew's parents were very close friends, and were just as strict in their religious beliefs as my parents, and of course attended the same church. The two families attended Sunday service and Bible classes together, and always managed somehow, to sit me next to Matthew. At church functions they would arrange for Matthew to escort me. Don't get me wrong I liked Matthew, he was very nice, and we had very similar standards and expectations. We were comfortable in each other's company and marriage seemed inevitable. We dated, but it took him a while before he kissed me, not that I wanted to be kissed, it was just inevitable. When he asked me to marry him I said yes, but there was no feeling of euphoria, excitement or anticipation, it was just another step in life. It wasn't how love was portrayed in the movies, but that's just make-believe. During our short engagement we kissed and cuddled, but he never touched my breasts or any other part of my body, if he had I'd have either screamed or run a mile. My parents had a lot to answer for.

On our wedding night we lay together for a couple of minutes kissing and cuddling, he pulled my nightgown up, and the next thing I know he's on top of me. The pain was intolerable, I felt traumatized as he forced himself on me, because my body had not been conditioned to accept him. Twenty seconds Muratpaşa Escort later he rolled off, leaving me pregnant. In hindsight, it really wasn't his fault, neither of us were knowledgeable in the ways of love making, we just assumed that was the way things were done. In bed, Matthew wasn't very affectionate or adventurous; if he had been I don't know what my reaction would have been. However, that said, in the back of my mind there was always the thought that something was missing from our marriage.

My female friends thought me weird because every time they began to talk about their sex life, I would walk off. One day the girls asked me why I walked away when anything like that was discussed. I explained about my upbringing, and the fact that it had been instilled into me that sex for pleasure was the devils work, with Matthew also having the same attitude. They must have talk about my response between themselves because after, they seemed far more sympathetic towards me. In the early years of our marriage, both Matthew and I became disenchanted with the church and moved away, breaking the religious influence our families had over us. We were not going to expose our child to the same humiliation we had been put through. Our two families didn't exactly disown us, but our relationships certainly suffered, all of it instigated by them.

After kindergarten Troy and Douglas followed each other through the educational system attending the same schools, with Douglas spending nearly every weekend at our house. From the very beginning, Matthew and I took the boys out on trips to the zoo, or amusement parks. While Troy was off exploring or enjoying rides, Douglas would remain at my side walking along holding my hand. Although he called me Auntie Vivian, I believed Douglas was drawn to me in a maternal way compensating for his parents lack of affection towards him. Douglas and I had a fluctuating relationship, although that's not strictly true; it was I who had the problem with Douglas latching onto Troy.

However, as time passed and hearing stories about his home life, I began to feel sorry for the boy. It was a mutual friend, who told us that Douglas's parents never intended to have children and Douglas's conception was accidental. Unfortunately his parents openly displayed their disappointment, considering him an interruption to their lives. As the years past and he became older, he never seemed embarrassed walking beside me, holding my hand. Even my husband would comment that it was unnatural for a thirteen year old boy to walk around holding a woman's hand and I had to put a stop to it.

After spending a weekend at Douglas's house, Troy said he would prefer not to go again; instead he asked if Douglas could spend his weekends with us. Troy told me things about the weekend he had spent there. Apparently Douglas's parents not only thought Troy an imposition for being there, but it sounded like they thought Douglas was too. The two boys would spend the whole weekend up in Douglas's bedroom, even have their meals there. Troy said Douglas's room was a real mess with books and magazines on computers, scattered all over the place. At school, while Troy's interests were football, baseball and wrestling, Douglas joined the computer, chess and science clubs. He was ten years old when he began building computers, and designing simple programs, he built Troy a computer and taught him how to use it. Aged twelve, his teacher readily admitted that Douglas's knowledge and ability was far beyond his own, and at fifteen, saw the startup of his own company, MasTek.

I tried to compensate for the lack of affection his parents showed him, by giving him the occasional quick cuddle. There would always be an embrace and a kiss on the cheek when he left to go home. As he progressed into his teens girls avoided him, therefore he never had a girlfriend and became more and more uncomfortable in their company. Gradually over the years I began to change my mind, in fact the two boys were good for each other. Troy allowed Douglas to borrow his weights and take some of them home. He would take him to the gym or swimming, and gradually you could see Douglas's body begin to grow and develop.

Douglas was an academic and brilliant at school, and always first in his class, Troy on the other hand, wasn't, and had problems. They would spend hours together in Troy's bedroom with Douglas tutoring Troy, helping him with school work and homework. I would be running up and down the stairs providing them with plates of sandwiches and drinks. It was all due to Douglas's tutoring that Troy got through high school, and graduated from college with fairly decent grades. When Douglas was about sixteen there was a definite shift in my attitude towards him, by realizing just how much the two boys helped each other.

Douglas built Troy a new computer, for less than half the cost he would have paid, had he bought one. Troy told me, all of his Muratpaşa Escort Bayan computer's software including the operating system had been developed by Douglas. It didn't mean anything to me, but Troy said he was an absolute genius. Apparently Troy asked him if he needed any security software. Douglas told him he was already protected by a program he called "Defender" and assured him he wouldn't need anything else, ever. What I didn't know at the time was Douglas had already started his company, although at that time he was the only employee. He was becoming very well-known and already making more money a year than my husband, who had a very good job. Douglas would follow me into the kitchen and help me prepare meals, or just sit at the table telling me about his plans for his company, and what he was attempting to achieve with his software. It was not often that someone would spend an hour or so just talking to me, telling me their plans for the future. I never had the slightest idea what he was talking about, it all sounded like science fiction to me. It was years later before I really understood Douglas, and appreciated that he was a computer genius and became a daunting business man.

Douglas was eighteen when one Saturday morning he came around early with the excuse that Troy, who was out playing soccer, had asked him to check his homework. My husband, at the time was also out, playing golf. After checking the homework, we sat talking when I happened to notice Douglas's eyes never seemed to leave me. First he seemed to be looking at my breasts, then my legs, and continued to fluctuate between the two. I must admit I was a little flattered, but at the same time annoyed that he could be checking me out in this manner. I found myself blushing like a school girl, something that hadn't happened to me in years.

My thoughts were already beginning to concern me, and needed to break this tension between us. Rising from the chair I offered Douglas a drink, he settled for a soda and followed me out into the kitchen. The drinks were on the bottom shelf of the fridge which meant I had to bend over to get one, and could feel his eyes boring into my butt. Over the next half an hour I felt very strange, slightly excited at his attention, which never waned. Being very aware of my sitting position, being careful how I moved in the chair in case my skirt rode up. Also definitely no stretching, I have this habit of arching my back which tends to push my breasts out, Instead, I remained sort of hunched over making my breasts less obvious, which because of their size was difficult to achieve.

Just by the look on Douglas's face I could tell my breasts held some fascination for him, a look that I never saw on my husband's face. I always thought Matthew considered my large breasts, and overly large nipples obscene, although he hardly ever saw them, and had never touched them. Even when our son was a baby Matthew never liked to see me breast feed Troy, insisting that I take him to the bedroom, out of sight. Neither of us had ever stood in front of the other totally naked, and I admit to being very self-conscious about my breasts, and dressed accordingly. I had no control over them; they had minds of their own. Occasionally, at the most awkward of times, my nipples would become hard and swollen and poke out, becoming very noticeable through my dress or sweater. It was usually when I was alone with Douglas, whose obsession with them caused me to blush from total embarrassment. I was beginning to enjoy his attention and the expression on his face when he saw me, and looked forward to Saturday mornings waiting for him to arrive.

Over the days and weeks I became concerned, thinking about him more and more. He would arrive early on a Saturday morning while Troy was playing soccer and my husband out playing golf; on the pretext he was updating the software on Troy's computer. Douglas was a distraction, a little excitement in an otherwise humdrum life. We used to spend a little time in the sitting room just talking. As the weeks and months passed by, I would shift about in my chair, encouraging my skirt to ride higher up my thighs, or stretch, by arching my back to accentuate my breasts. I know it was teasing him, but we both enjoyed my performance and the benefits, with me enjoying the look on his face as I went through my routine. One night, on a rare occasion my husband was using my body, lying submissively in bed with my eyes closed, I began to fantasize that it was Douglas kissing me and making love to me. It was that night I suddenly realized I was falling in love with him. How could I, as a married woman, nineteen years his senior, tell an eighteen year old boy that I had fallen in love with him. If he found out and pursued me, it could destroy my family.

One Saturday morning while serving breakfast, still wearing my nightgown and robe, Troy informed me that Douglas would be over extra early that morning. He would Escort Muratpaşa be loading new software he developed, into Troy's computer. I couldn't tell whether I was nervous or excited about the news. My prayer was answered when Troy and my husband left before he arrived, giving me time to rush upstairs to dress. Wearing my special black lingerie set, my shortest skirt, dabbed a little perfume on the swell of my breasts. I completed the picture by ensuring that my black bra was obvious, beneath my white blouse which was virtually transparent.

Douglas arrived early. Before going up to Troy's bedroom he stopped and spoke for a few minutes, his eyes transfixed on my breasts.

"Would you like me to bring you a drink Douglas?"

"Yes please Mrs. Kent, a coke if you have one."

Five minutes later I knocked, and walked in. He was sitting at Troy's desk, lines of text were scrolling up the monitor screen as his fingers flashed across the keyboard. I was really impressed; this was no nerdy kid. After placing the drink on the desk I positioned myself behind Douglas's chair. Instead of looking over his shoulder, I rested my chin on the top of head pressing my breasts tight against his neck. Slipping my hands over his shoulders and sliding them down his body, stretching my arms until my fingertips were almost touching the waistband of his pants. Dare I plunge my hand those extra few inches so that I could touch him?

I thought about moving round to sit on his lap with the hope we might kiss. What if he tried to unbutton my blouse, would I let him? He may even have tried to slip his hand inside my bra or up my skirt. Just thinking about it had me fully aroused, my excitement was intense; my body had never reacted in such a way for Matthew. It left me with an overwhelming urge to expose myself and induce him to caress me. For him my infatuation and love was beginning to know no bounds, shaking like a schoolgirl, feeling as if my legs would collapse under me, welcoming each touch.

He must have sensed my excitement or the very least felt me shaking. My mind was in turmoil, partly wanting Douglas to forcefully undress me, throw me on the bed and make love to me. But mainly fear, with my strict upbringing, telling me it would destroy my family.

Being curious asked, "What are you doing?"

"Loading new software, damn."

"What's the matter?"

"I made an error."

"I'd better go I may be distracting you."

"It's the sort of distraction I enjoy."

"Douglas, you are naughty."

Laughing, until the look he gave me sent goose bumps all over my body. It became imperative for me to leave the room, otherwise I could not be held responsible for the consequences. Fear struck me at the thought of what it could do to my family. Later, when he left the house, I changed back into my normal drab Saturday outfit, long skirt and high neck sweater, but continued to wear my black lingerie, just to remind me of the day's excitement.

The second time our bodies made contact; was again a Saturday morning with us alone in the house. Douglas was helping me in the kitchen peeling apples on the work surface, standing in front of a wall cabinet. I needed a bag of dried fruit from the cabinet, so instead of asking him to move, I stood on tip toes and reached for the fruit. Overbalancing, my breasts squashed against his shoulder blades and my pelvis crushed against his butt. The pose lasted a few seconds longer than could be considered accidental or acceptable, after moving away, I think we were both blushing from embarrassment.

Douglas had been offered a scholarship from one of the top universities the other side of the country, but much to his parent's annoyance he decided to take a gap year so that he could concentrate on developing his company. Apparently at that time his company was experiencing a major transition and for Douglas and his company it was a make or break time. His parents went absolutely mad at his suggestion and told him he had to go, business or no business he needed those qualifications to succeed. By this time Douglas was well aware of his parent's attitude towards him, therefore, he took a year's lease on a small apartment and moved out of his parent's house. The University were keen to have him as a student and deferred his scholarship for one year.

The final time our bodies came together was the weekend before he went off to university, but this time he was leaning with his back against the work surface. Stretching up on tip toes, my arms raised to retrieve, can't remember what, from the cabinet, you could say we were locked together. My breasts were squashed against his chest and our pelvic regions firmly pressed together to such a degree I could feel his excitement. Our mouths were only inches apart until I felt his lips gently touch mine, I couldn't move because his arms were wrapped around my waist. I didn't want to move, I continued to allow him to kiss me. My emotions were running high as Douglas began rubbing himself against me, enticing me to press my body and lips against him a little harder. Never having experienced feelings like that before, suddenly realized the possible consequences of my actions and stopped things from going further.