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Subject: Visiting My Brother at College part 3 I wake up to Reed standing over me, next to the bed. He's already dressed, in a pastel yellow polo and blue jeans. He looks gorgeous. As I groan and sit up, though, I notice he's not smiling. I'm still in my unbuttoned cargo shorts and my shirt still smells like beer. "Get up and get showered," Reed says, not looking at me directly. "We're going to brunch downtown." I feel a little hungover, but it's not so bad. I think about last night. I didn't get that drunk, I had a good bit of schnapps in a short time, but other than that I didn't drink too much, and we left the party pretty early, and then... shit. I look up at Reed, who's still not looking at me, still blank-faced. How bad have I fucked things up between us? "Reed, are you..." "Come on, I told Jess we'd meet them in forty-five minutes and it's a thirty minute walk," he cuts me off. I sigh. I guess we're not talking about it. I grab some fresh clothes from my bag and head into the bathroom. It's a bit cramped, a shower stall squeezed in with a toilet on the left, and a sink and mirror straight ahead. There are two overflowing hampers next to the door. I strip down and get into the shower, turning the water as hot as it will go, which turns out to be insanely, scalding hot, so I adjust it a bit cooler. I bathe slowly, replaying last night, wondering if I should have done something different. The whole plan was to distract myself, to hook up with someone so I would stop thinking about my brother, and instead I got exactly what I'd been trying to distract myself from. Maybe I should have just gone and found Jake last night instead of leaving the party. But Reed asked me to blow him, was I supposed to say no? I mean yeah, he was a little drunk, but I didn't think he was much drunker than me. And he liked it, I know he did. I can feel myself getting hard just thinking about it so I turn the water cold, I don't need to be thinking with that head right now. So, okay. He liked it but he's clearly feeling weird about it now, so it's probably not going to happen again. My chest tenses a little at the thought, but I don't want to lose Reed as a brother, so I can't go trying to seduce him when he's clearly not into it. Anyway, I got a taste, maybe it's out of my system now. We can chalk it up to a drunk experience, a one time thing. There are other options out there. Now that I'm sober Jake doesn't seem like a great one, but he's still an option, and Reed isn't. I just need to get through the rest of the weekend without begging for more of his cum. Easy. Right? I get out of the shower and go over to the sink. I don't have to shave very often yet, but I take a few minutes to do it anyway, and try to get my hair under control. My mom has Scandinavian ancestry, and while Reed and I both got our dad's hair color, I also got mom's fine, almost weightless hair that refuses to lie flat without some effort. People say it feels really soft, and some guys absolutely love running their fingers through it while I go down on them, but it's a pain to deal with. I throw on a new t-shirt and some jeans and walk back into the room. Reed's sitting on the couch messing with his phone, and I just stand there looking at him. I can't help but admire his appearance, all cleaned up like this. He gets up after a minute and says, "Ok, let's go." He heads to the door without waiting for a response. So maybe I can't hook up with him again, but I can still look, right? I'm not going to be able to pretend anymore that I don't want him. I follow him out the door and out to the road. He walks in silence, occasionally tapping at his phone. I keep glancing at him, thinking at some point he has to acknowledge me. I'm also thinking that even stone-faced Reed is weirdly hot, with that tensed muscle in his jaw. I'm starting to get a little pissed, though. Maybe I fucked up, but so did he. If he wants to pretend nothing happened, whatever, but that's not what he's doing now. He's acting like he did the time I accidentally broke his phone a few years ago. Like he's mad at me but trying to stay calm. "Reed, last night..." "Shouldn't have happened!" He snaps, then sighs and rubs a hand over his face. "Sorry, Dev, this is just too fucking weird." He looks over at me and for a split second he actually meets my eyes for the first time this morning, before he looks away again. "You're my little brother. You're not supposed to..." He blushes. "Ok, I get it," I say, "but we were both drunk, and I think we both liked it. It doesn't have to be a big deal, right? It doesn't have to change anything. I'm still your brother." Reed chews on his lip but doesn't say anything as we keep walking. We cross through the campus and start heading downhill toward the city center. "Look, I just need some time to process," he says eventually. "I'm not mad, I just don't know how to treat you anymore." "The same as always, Reed," I frown. "I'm the same person." He looks over at me, his eyes dropping to my lips, then away. "I just don't know," he mutters. As we get downtown, I'm thinking, well, at least we're not ignoring it. Yeah, things seem a little fucked up between us right now, but we've been brothers for almost eighteen years, one night can't destroy that, right? I hope not. The downtown is pretty cool. This is a small city dominated by the university, so there are a lot of bars, little hipster stores, and unique restaurants. Normally Reed would be pointing out everything, giving me the full story, but instead he just leads us to a small cafe which advertises breakfast all day. As we enter I see Jessica and Toby already seated across from each other at a four person table. Jessica stands up to meet us, giving me a little hug, and kissing Reed on the cheek before pulling him down into the seat next to her. Toby grins at me and pulls out the seat next to him, patting me on the leg as I take it. "Good morning, although it's almost afternoon now," he says to me, "I hope you're not too hungover, this place has amazing benedicts." He's wearing a purple button-up with the top button undone, and the color looks amazing on him, really setting off his green eyes. Across the table Jessica is leaning into Reed and talking softly enough that I can't hear, her face just a few inches from his. She's pretty, I guess. She has dark auburn hair and blue eyes, with some light freckles fanning across her cute nose and high cheekbones, and she's wearing a tight white sweater. I try not to think mean things about her, ignoring that her red lipstick doesn't work for her and makes her look like a clown or a whore, and that her mousy chestnut roots are showing. If Reed wants her, and from the way he's smiling down at her I guess he does, then fine. I feel a little sick, it must be my hangover. "I'm gonna go use the bathroom," I excuse myself. I follow a little hallway by the kitchen to a pair of single-occupancy bathrooms and lock myself in the first one. I don't feel şişli travesti so bad after standing up, and I do have to pee, so I take care of that and then spend a couple of minutes washing my hands and staring into the mirror. I can manage this, I can act normal. I take a deep breath and head back out. Toby's waiting in the hallway outside the bathroom. "Oh, hey," I say, moving to go around him. "Hey, actually, I wanted to talk to you for a minute in private," he says, putting a hand on my arm. He's smiling softly, "I just wanted to say sorry about last night, you seemed kind of mad at me when you left." He bites his lip. "Kait and I used to have sort of an off-and-on thing, and she gets a bit clingy when she's drinking, but for the record I was definitely flirting with you, and I was hoping we'd talk more. It would be cool if we could hang out more this weekend." "Oh, uhh, yeah. Yeah, that would be cool," I say, blushing. He really does look hot today, and his sincerity is endearing. He's so nice, and so good-looking, I don't know why he's interested in me, but I don't want to question it too much. "I was totally flirting with you too. And I wasn't really mad at you, so don't worry. It was... something else." "Okay, cool," he grins, flashing his perfect teeth at me. I wonder if he had braces or if they just grew in like that. He smiles so much, but I guess if I had teeth like that, I'd show them off too. "So, what are your plans today?" "I dunno, Reed and I haven't really talked about it," I say, looking down the hallway toward the restaurant. Reed and Jessica are sitting with their backs to us, but Reed looks over his shoulder at the same moment I turn toward them. He glances between me and Toby and turns back around without any expression. "I'll get back to you?" "Ok," Toby shuffles around in his pocket for a second. "I added you on Facebook, maybe you haven't seen yet. Send me a message? Jess is hosting a little thing at her place tonight, if you wanna come that would be really cool. It's not really a party, just the core gang hanging out, you know?" "Um, we'll see, I don't know if Reed will want to." I glance back down the hall, but Reed's still facing away. "Well, you can come without him you know, that's fine too. Jess is my best friend from High School and I practically live at her place sometimes, so you're for sure on the guest list." His eyes are kind of mesmerizing, and he holds them on mine. I thought they were green, but up close I can see flecks of golden brown, and a blue ring around his pupil. It's a little unnerving, having him so focused on me when I don't even know him that well. "By the way, Kait won't be there, she's leaving to visit home today," he adds. I'm not sure about this, but if Reed's going to keep acting distant, I'm not going to waste the rest of the weekend sitting around in silence in his dorm. "Ok, sure. I'll see you there." "Awesome! Now, I really do have to pee, so..." He laughs and heads into the bathroom, but not before squeezing my bicep. I walk back to the table and take my seat. I notice the menus are gone. "I ordered you the corned beef hash with rye toast and over medium eggs," Reed says, looking at me a little shyly. "And a coffee." He won't meet my eyes for more than a second, but I can't help but smile. He may be feeling weird about last night, but he's still looking out for me. He knows I always order the same thing at breakfast, assuming it's on the menu, just like I can guess he ordered the crab cakes benedict. He can't resist crab. I'm proven correct in a few minutes when the waiter, a big guy with a beard and his hair in a bun, delivers our food. Toby gets back a moment later. "Corned beef hash?" He wrinkles his nose at my plate as he sits. "Hey, it may look gross, but it's delicious," I laugh, "And you're one to talk. Did you seriously order avocado toast?" "I'm a young, liberal, non-STEM major at a hippie school, I've gotta play the part," he grins. "You'll never get Devin to eat that shit," Reed chimes in to my surprise, "he's been eating corned beef hash like an old man since he was twelve. I think he only started to impress dad, and now he's got like food Stockholm syndrome." "Fuck you both," I say with a smile, because it's good to see Reed acting normal, even if he's just talking to Toby and not really looking at me. He's kind of right, I think as I take my first bite. I did start ordering this because it's dad's favorite, and I wanted something to bring us closer since he and Reed had so much in common, but I really do love it now. At least, I love it when it's done right, and this place definitely does it right, with big chunks of salty corned beef, sweet onions, and crispy potatoes. It feels good to get some food in my stomach and I'm starting to feel like a real person again. Jessica is talking about her midterms, "Like I get that we're supposed to have a 'well-rounded education,'" she says, using actual air-quotes, "but I'm an English major, do I really need to take TWO semesters of math? I've been cramming for a week and I still don't get antiderivatives." I have no idea what she's even talking about, I finished my mandatory math courses last year with precalculus, but Reed jumps in, "I can help you out if you want, when's your test?" "Thursday afternoon," she says, and gives Reed a little hug, "Thanks Reed!" I tense up and take a long sip of coffee to hide my face. "Anyway, sorry to bitch about my problems," Jessica says, "Devin, what are you planning on majoring in?" "I don't really know, I mean, I still have to finish High School, but... I'm thinking about history." I glance at Toby and he's beaming at me. Jessica says, "All right! Another liberal arts major. Reed and John always make us feel so inferior, but we've got the bigger numbers!" Reed ignores her and just stares at me, "You're thinking about history? Since when?" "Umm, I was always thinking about history, then Toby and I were talking about it last night, and it seems like it could be a good idea." Toby pats me on the back. "I thought you wanted to do chemistry?" He looks between me and Toby. "Mom wants me to do chemistry, but just because I'm good at something doesn't mean I have to do it. I want to do something I really care about." Reed chews on his food for a second and nods slowly, "Ok, if that's what you really want." He sounds skeptical but at least he's showing some interest. We finish the food and I pay for both Reed and myself. "Dad gave me money for the weekend," I say. He shrugs. We say goodbye to Jess and Toby, and start walking back toward the dorm. Even though I thought he was thawing a bit during breakfast, Reed is back to cold silence now. We're at the edge of downtown when he slows and says, "I have work to do. I'm going to go to the library when I get back." "Oh, okay," I say, a little confused. "Uhh, what am I supposed to do?" Reed shrugs, "You can walk around downtown. There's a lot of cool stuff to see. beylikdüzü travesti Or just hang out in the room. Whatever." "Reed, I get that you need some time to think, but I came up here to spend time with you..." "Dev, it's not... I really have to study, okay? We have all weekend." He's still not looking at me, and he starts walking again. "You're not a kid, you can entertain yourself for a while, yeah?" "Yeah, okay." I say, and watch him walk away. It's fine. He needs space, and maybe he really does need to study. His ass looks amazing in those jeans, not too big but curving out nicely from his back and tensing with every step. Fuck, I can't keep thinking about him like that, not if we're going back to just brothers. I'm not sure I want to go back, last night was the best sexual experience of my life. Reed was so tender, the caring big brother I've always known, but also so confident and sexy, and he felt so good. I remember him kissing me at the end, so hesitant and gentle. I feel sad that I might never see that side of him again. I stand watching him for maybe two minutes but he doesn't look back, so I sigh and turn away. Well, maybe this can still be a good day. I pull out my phone and check my notifications. It's almost 1:00. I see Toby's friend request, and I accept it then send him a message. Devin Buchanan: Hey, looks like I'm on my own this afternoon, gonna explore downtown I guess. Toby's response is almost immediate. Toby Auclair: Want some company? I can show you around. Where are you? I look around for any landmarks. Devin Buchanan: I'm like half a block from the food co-op, and there's a Shell station across from me. Toby Auclair: brt Sure enough, I've only been waiting three minutes when Toby shows up, turning the corner by the co-op. I walk toward him and meet him halfway. "Hey, thanks for meeting me, man," I say. "Reed apparently has to study." Toby grins. "No problem, like I said, I want to hang out with you. That sucks about Reed, though. He must have a lot of work to ditch you this weekend, he was super excited about your visit all week." "Yeah, well..." I shrug. "Anyway, you said you'd show me around, so come on, be my tour guide." Toby leads the way with a bounce in his step, pointing things out left and right. Half of it seems to be things with just personal significance, like the flower box he puked in after his first night at a bar with a fake ID, or the concrete bench he says Reed busted his forehead on when they were skateboarding. He does point out a bunch of his favorite places, though, and has some tips. "This place has great bagels, but don't try any of their specialty cream cheeses, they're all shit." "Best potato burritos in the world, ask for extra sauce." "This is the ONLY place in town worth going dancing, and it's also the only gay bar." "Trivia night here on Tuesdays, I usually have a team and owner lets us play even though we're underage." After about an hour, I feel like I've seen all of the fairly small downtown. Toby carries most of the weight of conversation, and he seems like he's really social and gets out a lot. He also seems to know half the people in town, giving nods or fist bumps to so many people. He introduces me to some, calling me "Devin, from out of town," rather than "my friend's little brother." At this point we're just walking, and Toby suggests going to a little park on the water about a mile from downtown. I don't have anything better to do so I agree. "So..." I say, struggling to find something to say as we stroll along a trail near the water, and a little nervous because this now feels sort of like a date, "Auclair... Is that French?" "Quebecois," he says. "My dad's from Montreal, mom's Irish." "Oh, that's cool. Do you speak French?" "I think I do," he says with a half-smile. "Some French people would disagree, they look down on Quebecois." He pauses, "Tu es amusant d'?tre avec." "Fuck, that's hot." I blush, "I mean, that's really cool. I pretty much just speak English." He giggles. Like, seriously, giggles, and it's adorable. "Well, you speak English very well. You and Reed are Scottish right?" "I mean, I guess. On our dad's side. Norwegian and Icelandic on our mom's. But dad's side has been here so long, I don't know how much Scottish is really left." "Well, most Americans are mutts I guess." As we keep walking he hooks his little finger with mine. It's a small gesture but it makes me feel warm. We reach the park after about twenty minutes. It's early October, but it still feels like late Summer, and the sun in shining. The park is fairly small, just some grass and trees with a couple of gazebos and a little coffee shop at the edge, but the grass slopes down to a rocky beach, and you can see the whole bay, and the mountains in the distance. "Wow, this is beautiful," I say. "Come on, let's go down to the water," Toby takes my hand fully in his and leads me down to the rocky beach. He sits on a big rock right by the water and pulls me down with him, then lets go of my hand to take his shoes off and dip his feet in the water. "This is one of my favorite places in town, when the weather is nice. I must have spent half the spring sitting here reading." "It's really nice," I say, slipping out of my own shoes. The water is cold, and when I shiver Toby wraps an arm around me and scoots closer. "I'm kind of glad Reed had to study. It's nice to have some time to spend with just you," Toby says softly. I chuckle nervously, and I don't know why but I blurt, "Reed says you flirt with everyone." Toby blushes and shifts nervously. "Yeah, okay. That... might be kind of true." He looks out over the water. I shouldn't have said anything. Why do I even care? I'm here for one weekend, why am I questioning things when a hot guy is interested in me? "I guess I want people to like me, and flirting is kind of the way I know how to be friendly? It gets me a good reaction. But I don't really mean it with most people." He grimaces. "God, that doesn't make me sound good." "And with me?" I ask, even though I'm not sure I want to know or even really care. "I think you're really cute," he says, looking back at me. "And so far I like getting to know you. I haven't really been with many guys... There are a decent number of out gay guys here, and a handful of bi guys, but I'm not really interested in many of them. So far I've just stuck with girls here." I get that. I'm not the only guy at my school who's out, but there still aren't a lot of options. Two of the other guys, Luke and Liam, have been a couple for like two years, and most of the others aren't my type. I haven't been with anyone since Ryan graduated in June, and he wasn't out, so he wasn't really a boyfriend, just like a fuckbuddy or something. Maybe that dry spell is why I'm so horny this weekend. I feel Toby's phone buzz in his pocket, where it's pressed between our leg. His fingers rub my thigh as he reaches in to grab it. "It's Jess, I have to istanbul travesti go help her set up for tonight." He rolls his eyes. "I can walk you back if you want? It's on my way." He helps me up. "Umm, sure," I say. The walk to campus from here is all uphill, and fairly steep, so I don't have a lot of spare breath for talking, but Toby holds my hand the whole way. When we get back to the dorm we stop at the door. "I, uh, I don't have a key to get in, and Reed's probably still in the library..." I say. "Oh, right," Toby says and pulls his own keys from his pocket. "I actually live here too, room 204, so I can let you in." He swipes his fob by the sensor and pulls the door open, but then just props it open with one foot. "So... I'll see you at Jess's tonight?" He asks. "Yeah, definitely," I say. "Great!" He grins, and then puts his hand on my cheek and leans in and kisses me. His lips are soft, but he moves them insistently, pulling on my lower lip just a little. He's good at this, and I hate that for a moment I'm thinking about Reed's lips, and how they'd felt for that split second last night. Toby holds my cheek for a second as he pulls back and looks at me, brushing a thumb over the corner of my mouth. "See you there, Dev." I can't stop smiling as I walk into the dorm and into Reed's room. I think I just had a date? Kind of my first date, since my experience so far has pretty much been hook-ups. And maybe I have a second date later? Reed's still not back, and I pace around the empty room for a few minutes. I should get ready, maybe? Do I need to wear something nicer? I didn't really bring any nicer clothes. But, what if Toby wants to have sex? Fuck, I hope he wants to have sex. I should be ready. I go into the bathroom and use the toilet, then take a quick shower, making sure to clean my ass well. I dig through my bag until I find the little bottle of lube stashed at the bottom. It seemed like wishful thinking at the time, but I wanted to have it just in case. Now I kind of wish I'd brought my dildo. I lay my towel on the bed and get on top of it, lying naked on my back. I'm already hard and I give my dick a few pumps before opening up the lube, and pouring a little on my fingers. I rub it around and then move my left hand down to play with my hole, and grab my dick with my right. I just rub my fingers around my hole at first, teasing myself while I jack off, then slowly push one finger in. Fuck, it's been awhile, and it feels tight, but I have enough practice that it doesn't hurt. I spend a few minutes just slipping that one finger in and out, twisting it around, before slipping in a second. I can feel my ring clenching around the two fingers and try to relax, just holding them in for a minute while I squeeze my dick at the base. I start to loosen up and begin moving both fingers around, scissoring them apart and trying to stretch. I'm getting close, and I close my eyes, focusing on the feelings in my ass, trying to relax more, imagining my fingers are Toby's, getting me ready for his dick. "What the fuck, Dev?!" I hear, and look up to see my brother standing just inside the door, backpack in one hand. He looks angry but he's staring at my ass. I feel horrified, but also Reed is standing at the foot of the bed, still looking so perfect, and I'm practically presenting myself to him, legs in the air, fingers in my ass, sprawled naked on the bed, and I was already so close, and suddenly I'm imagining Reed's fingers, not Toby's, and I can't hold back as I start to bust all over my chest, my hole clenching rhythmically. I hear the door slam as I'm still lost in my orgasm, and when I come back to myself, Reed is gone, his backpack tossed on the ground. Fuck. I clean myself off with the towel and throw my clothes back on as quickly as I can, tossing the towel under the bed, and run out the door, hoping to catch Reed. I quickly pull to a stop, though, as I see him sitting on the floor right outside the door, knees up and his face in his hands. "Are you finished?" He mutters through his fingers. "Yeah..." I say. "Reed, I..." He gets up and pushes his way past me into the room, then pulls me in too. He slams the door closed. "What the fuck, Dev?" He looks furious. "I told you I needed time, I told you last night shouldn't have happened, and now you're, what, trying to seduce me?! Lying around naked, waiting for me to come back?" "What?! No!" I insist, "I promise, it's not like that! I wasn't thinking, I didn't expect you to come back, I was just..." I stop, because I don't really want to explain to him that I was preparing myself to get fucked by his friend later tonight. "Just what? Because it looked like you were lying there in MY ROOM begging for cock!" He yells, and blushes. "I'm your fucking brother, Dev, you're not supposed to do this shit! You're not supposed to... to want me!" I wonder if he might be right. No, I wasn't thinking of him walking in, I really was just masturbating and preparing for Toby, but I'm not an idiot right? At least subconsciously I had to know him walking in was a possibility, and maybe I wanted him to. I know one thing for sure. "But I do want you..." I whisper. Reed clenches his jaw and closes his eyes. "Damnit, Dev." "Reed, I'm sorry. I swear, I really wasn't trying to... seduce you. I didn't mean for you to see me like that," I say. "But I also can't deny that I'm attracted to you. I'm sorry you regret it, but last night was incredible for me, and I would do it again and again if you let me." He doesn't say anything but he opens his eyes, which look red and watery. "But if... if you don't want anything else to happen, I'll have to live with that, I guess. I'll respect that." I sigh, "I don't want to lose you, Reed. I love you, so I'll take whatever you're willing to give. Just please don't shut me out. Don't stop being my brother." He groans and walks over to his bed, and throws himself down face first. He lays there for a minute then twists his head to face me. "I can't stop being your brother, Dev. And I still love you," he mumbles. "But I'm straight. I'm not into guys. And even if I were, it's not right." He closes his eyes and after a few minutes I think he might be sleeping. I sit on my bed and pull out my phone. I'm about to message Toby when he speaks again. "You know, my first memory is holding you." He's speaking half into his pillow and his eyes are still closed, "Mom and dad say that from the minute you came home from the hospital, I decided that as your big brother, you were my responsibility. I told them you were mine." I don't know what to say. I can feel myself tearing up and I wipe my eyes. "You're still mine, Dev. Okay? It just can't be... like that." "Okay," I sniffle. I lay my head down too, and lie on my side facing him from across the room. His eyes remain closed, and eventually he starts snoring lightly. At some point I drift off too. ---- Ok, I'm going to stop pretending I have any idea how long these will take to write. I've been in the mood to keep going, even though there are other things I should be doing. Thanks for all of the responses, it's nice to hear so many of you are enjoying it. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint, even if it's not very sexy.