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I had no idea how to respond to this revelation. I had slapped her playfully and it never entered my head that it could be anything but that. ?I shouldn't have said anything.? Pascale lowered her eyes to the floor. "Oh, no, Sweetheart, of course you should. I'm sorry, it was just a surprise, that's all.? ?You are not angry with me?? she asked, looking at me with relief in her eyes. ?No,? I replied gently, smiling. ?I am not angry. There is nothing to be angry for.? There was a brief pause before I continued.*?I don't really understand how you felt, though. What made you feel that way?? Pascale frowned and her cute nose wrinkled as she replied.*?It is hard to explain but I will try.? She waited, gathering her thoughts, putting words to what she was feeling.*?When your hand whacked across my bottom it stung, as you would expect with my slacks being so tight but as I turned away, I began to tingle, like tiny contractions in the small of my back. The heat that remained seemed to spread out and it was such a lovely feeling that it made me clench my bottom as I could feel it there too. I could feel it at the front also and when I was out of your sight I pressed my fingers there, through my slacks and it felt wonderful. I can still feel it now, in my mind.? She stopped momentarily, ?Does that make any sense to you or am I just strange?? ?Pascale, you are not strange at all. What you describe makes perfect sense only...? I paused. ?Only?? she repeated. ?Only that I have never experienced it. No-one has ever smacked me before.? I thought for a moment before I enquired of her,*?Do you mind if I ask you something very personal?? She cocked to head to one side.*?Not at all,? she replied. ?Have you had sex, Pascale, ever before?? Once again she lowered her eyes and slowly shook her head.*?I have let boys touch my breasts, when I was younger but I didn't like it much. They were rough and hurt me. Other than that, no, unless you include what I do on my own...? Once again I could see her face glowing brightly in the dim, artificial light.*?Do you have much experience, Karen?? I thought carefully. Much experience? Oh yes, far too much and I didn't know whether to tell her. I didn't want her bahis siteleri to think badly of me, that I was some kind of harlot. I had come to love Françoise and the girls as the only family I had and I was petrified of what they might think of me. I looked across at her, looking expectantly for an answer. In that moment I decided.*?Yes, Pascale, I have.? I nodded as I spoke and my heart began to beat heavily inside my rib cage. ?You sound apologetic,? she replied, ?Are you ashamed of something?? ?In a way, yes,? I replied. ?Please don't be disappointed in me, Pascale but I have done many things I now wish I hadn't.? ?What kind of things?? she asked. I didn't want to say any more, I felt scared that I had said too much already but she pressed me.*?Karen, I am not disappointed in you, I promise. I would just love to hear about your experiences. I have had none but sometimes I get so hot and the things I imagine happening to me are, well, you know...? ? All right,? I replied,?But just between you and me, yes?? ?I promise,? she agreed, ?But I don't think you have realised, Maman, as was Papa when he was with us, is very open minded. There is nothing that is not spoken about in my family.? ?Hmm, all right,? I agreed, ?But just for now. Promise?? ?Yes, I promise,? she replied. I thought for a minute. ?I didn't have a very nice childhood,? I began. ?I am sure you know already that my father was a drunk and very violent towards my mother. He hit me only once and I swore that no man would ever hit me again.? ?Oh my goodness! No, I didn't know about that,? she said, visibly shocked. ?I thought he was so nice!? ?I told your mum. Anyway, he is changed now,? I continued,? He had suffered terribly during the Great War but he had no-one he could turn to. In those days, nobody understood the horrors in the way they do now. I didn't understand what made him the way he was, especially after what my mum had said about him when they first met. The only way he thought he could cope was to be drunk, to try to deaden the memories. It is a long story.? I saw that she was listening intently. ?The thing is, I thought he didn't love me and as I became older I began to search for love, I thought that canlı bahis siteleri by giving myself to the men who wanted me was the answer but I was wrong, so very wrong. My first time was when I was just eighteen. Just before the last war started. I went out with a young man from the same street that I lived in. He was so attentive and he took me to the cinema. He was the first boy who had been so nice to me and I loved every minute of being with him. Whilst we watched the movie, I felt his arm around my shoulders so I moved closer to him and put my head upon his shoulder. I felt safe and, for the first time, loved.? I stopped, the memories of that night flooding back. Pascale waited patiently as I collected my thoughts and went on with my story. ?After the film, we walked home, a short stroll which passed by the cemetery. As we approached the gates he stopped and said, 'Dare you enter after dark?' I laughed and told him not to be so stupid. Dead people are just that, dead!? I stopped suddenly. ?Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean...? Pascale smiled. ?Don't worry, I agree and Papa would understand. Go on, please.? ?All right, well, I was young and stupid then and I dived through the open gate and dared him to follow me.? ?And did he?? she asked. ?Oh yes,? I continued, ?He followed me all right. He chased me through the graves and, when we were a long way inside, he caught me around the waist and stopped me. Like the silly girl I was, I giggled but then I felt his hands pawing my breasts through my thin summer dress. It was a warm evening and over my shoulders I had a thin cardigan. 'Hey!' I said to him, 'stop it!' but he didn't. He kept his hands where they were and I heard his voice say, 'Don't you love me , Karen?' Of course I told him I did because I really believed it and he just said that I can't love him because I didn't want to give myself to him.? I looked at Pascale. Her eyes were open wide and she was taking in every word. ?What did you say to that?? she asked, innocently. ?Being the naïve girl that I was I thought that maybe that was why my dad was the way he was with my mum so I let him continue touching me. He unfastened the buttons of my dress and slipped his canlı bahis hand inside, squeezing and pawing me through the satin fabric of my underslip. It felt sort of nice and when he found my erect nipple and squeezed it I felt a shock pass through my breast, the like of which I had not experienced before. It seemed to shoot right through me, down to my... well, you know, between my legs.? Suddenly I felt self concious. Normally I would have used the word 'Vagina' but the word felt naughty, somehow and I didn't want to feel that way with Pascale. I had never heard any coarse words of any severity pass the lips of any of this family since the day I met them. ?Mmm, I like that feeling,? Pascale said and then gasped and covered her mouth stifling a giggle. I giggled too. ?Me too,? I laughed.?And the way it tingles in your tummy button?? ?Hehe, yes, especially that!? She giggled again. ?Go on,? she urged me. ?Well, I was beginning to enjoy those feelings and the longer he fondled me I discovered something happening down there, a kind of moisture forming. By this time he had unfastened the rest of my buttons and he slipped my cardigan and dress off me then pushed the thin straps of my slip down so that it too fell to the ground around my ankles. I just stood stock still and covered my now naked breasts. No-one had ever seen them and I didn't know what, exactly, he wanted from me. He turned me to face him, gently pulling my arms away to reveal them, my nipples straining outwards, aching, throbbing. He looked at them. 'Small ain't they?' was all he said. I just assumed he didn't like them and felt so disappointed but he bent his head and took my engorged nipple into his mouth. My head was spinning and the blood pounding as it rushed through my ears. I gasped audibly the feeling was so wonderful.? Again, I looked across at Pascale sitting upright in the armchair, a blanket now pulled around her. Was it my imagination or was she breathing a little heavily? Certainly her face was flushed and her eyes were bright, sparkling, in the subdued light. ?Are you all right, Pascale?? I asked her. ?Oh yes, fine. Please, carry on,? she replied. ?He put his hand between my legs, inside my pants. His finger slipped easily into my narrow entrance and I gasped once again. 'My, my,' he said, 'you are excited ain't yer!' because I was so wet now. I had never experienced these things and I was scared and excited at the same time.