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Have you ever stepped on a train and, once it started moving, thought with a dropping feeling in your stomach of something important that you had left behind? This was exactly the feeling that followed me around every step. What I had left behind were dignity and rational thought. While I dusted the flat, arranged the knick-knacks on the boards and tables and moved all the teaching-related stuff into locked drawers, I tried to convince myself that I could stand up to her and end this before it went too far. I almost managed to fool myself.Until the doorbell rang, that is, and made me jump up from my spot on the edge of the couch where I had been nervously awaiting that moment, clad in my favorite green summer dress, coiled tight like a spring and close to biting my nails. I nearly stumbled on the way to the door. Pulling it open, I took a deep breath and tried to recall the words I had been preparing for hours.It was for naught. As soon as my eyes encountered Cordelia?s radiance, all conscious thought left me. Her hair was glowing in the soft, warm light of the sunset, and when the rosy tip of her tongue snaked out and licked over her lips, the pleasurable shudder that ran through my body couldn?t be stopped."Hi, Miss Wilkins," her voices chimed exuberantly, "it?s so great of you to have us all here tonight! You?re the best teacher ever!"She leaned closer and my breathing stopped. For a long moment that seemed frozen in time I thought she was going to kiss me, right here on my doorstep and for everyone to see. But her lips deviated to the side at the last moment, her soft cheek brushing mine like the touch of a butterfly, and I was forced to bite my lip to keep the revealing moan hidden from the world. Instead, she whispered into my ear, "I?ve brought my gaggle of friends, Miss Wilkins, I?m sure you approve."She had turned my words from earlier today around on me. I should have been annoyed by that childish act, but I couldn?t.And then she was brushing by me, gesturing her friends - all of whom were in my class too, I realized with no little trepidation - to follow her. Moments later my living room was buzzing with conversation while the five girls took possession of my beloved Japanese style leather couch and plush chairs and pointed out things they found interesting.I took a deep breath and closed the door, not without a furtive glance to see if my neighbors had seen anything. Which was actually stupid. It had always been school policy to allow teachers to hold study groups at their homes for their graduating classes. But I couldn?t help the guilty feeling that was burning away in my stomach.I looked at the girls. At the left end of the couch was Eireen, tall and bony with red hair and freckles. I was sure that she turned a lot of heads, but only until her drawl and condescending way managed to scare off her admirers. She almanbahis şikayet wore khaki shorts and a loose yellow PETA t-shirt, both of which didn?t really go well with her pale complexion. In the middle sat, of course, Cordelia, again in her tennis star outfit, which still looked fresh and unwrinkled as if she had only put it on five minutes ago. A pink hair band held her long locks out of her face and made her look all the more adorable.To her other side was Monica, the smallest of the class, and a silent one. Though she didn?t need to be, she was in my opinion the most intelligent one out of the whole bunch. She did, however, fit the nerd image quite well, with her black page cut and silver rimmed glasses. The jeans and plain blue t-shirt encouraged that impression.I had to walk into the room to get a good look at the other two girls. I almost gasped out loud when I recognized the one in the left chair, or to be precise, her clothes. The brown summer dress, the even darker brown curls, there was no doubt that she was the girl who had filmed my voluntary debasement. Her name was Lisette, and she had always been a bit of a rebel. The thigh-high leather boots covered with buckles screamed that message to the world, and the dark purple lipstick, encircled by black lip liner, underlined it.Finally, on the right chair, was the only girl who could have been a danger to Cordelia?s social role. Kaila. The only thing preventing her from usurping her friend was also her biggest asset. Her skin was the color of dark chocolate, and there were still enough bigots all over the school who at best ignored her, so she couldn?t move between social circles with Cordelia?s ease. She was only a little smaller than her friend, her skin flawless and her muscles toned. Her lips, pink and full, drew attention to her face, where her high cheekbones and big, dark eyes captured it. She was graceful and intelligent, and when she wore a dress, like the black and golden fabric she had on today, she looked no less a queen than Cordelia.I don?t know how long I stood there contemplating my pupils, but I was suddenly aware that there was a lull in the conversation and all eyes had come to rest on me."Uh," I cleared my throat, my face heating up, "would you girls want some snack and something to drink?""That would be lovely!" Cordelia immediately agreed while she kicked off her sandals and put her feet on the coffee table, wiggling her toes."Delia!" Monica admonished under her breath, "you can?t just put your feet on her table!"She thankfully didn?t see the shiver that ran through my body when my eyes fell on the objects of temptation."Oh, I don?t think Miss Wilkins minds, do you!" Her eyes drilled into mine for a second, only to wink and inspect her fingernails."No," I quickly reassured them, "not at all. I want you to feel at home here.""See," almanbahis canlı casino she told her friend, "she doesn?t mind. You can put yours up too, if you want.""No, it?s okay." Monica?s voice was back to its meek self."So what would you like to drink?" I asked quickly, to dispel the weird atmosphere that had been building up in the room."I?m not sure. What do you have?" This time it was Eireen who spoke, not really looking at me."Let?s see. I have juice and water, I think there are still two or three bottles of coke in the fridge, and," my voice tried to get all scratchy on me, but I just couldn?t not mention it, "I?ve got champagne.""Wow!""Really?""Champagne?"The echo was instantaneous, and I felt myself blushing again. "So I guess you?d all like some?""How did we earn that honor?" Cordelia suddenly inquired, putting me on the spot. "I don?t think it is normal for teachers to offer their pupils champagne."She was staring at me, daring me to slip up, I could see it in the way her lips pouted and her cheeks took on just that barely noticeable hue of excitement."You?re my favorite pupils. I?m allowed to indulge you a bit away from school, aren?t I?" It was probably too fast and too loud, but I had to get the words out before holding Cordelia?s gaze could take the remainder of my breath away. Just looking at her was like a drug, it was making me lose all ties to reality and it became more and more addictive."If it?s like that, of course I?d like some. You all as well, girls?" Her question was rhetorical."I?ll be right back, I?ll also prepare some snacks, but it?ll be only five minutes." Where was the literate teacher in me getting off to? I retreated into the kitchen, unsure where this evening was going and even less sure that I could stand Cordelia?s constant teasing presence without falling to pieces.The snacks were quickly done, just slicing up the French baguette and cutting it into small squares, decorating the pieces with small squares of cheese and a slice of the Italian sausage, then spearing a grape with a toothpick and sticking it through the bread. Perfect European canapés, I did those every year for the end-of-term conference at the incessant needling of my colleagues. I had never done them for any of my pupils before.True to my words I was back in the living room five minutes later and sat the platter with the canapés down on the table, then hurried into the kitchen once more to fetch the champagne and matching glasses. When I came back, they had already helped themselves to the snacks. The blissful expressions on their faces, even Cordelia?s, made me smile."Gosh, those are brilliant!" It was, to my astonishment, again Eireen who was the first to speak, and she would have been the last one from whom I?d have expected a compliment."Thanks," I replied and tried not let my voice betray my almanbahis casino nerves.I almost lost my grip on the cork and the bottle gave a mighty pop, to the cheers of the girls. Soon the glasses were filled and eager young fingers snatched them from the table."Take a seat," Cordelia offered sweetly, as if it was her flat and I was the guest, and patted the spot between her and Eireen.The thumping of my heart increased again, before my backside even touched the couch. And then I was sitting, self-conscious and struggling with myself to look away from the naked skin of her legs so close to me, tantalizing me with their satiny glow.One thing about Japanese couches is that they are quite low and don?t have much of a backrest. So sitting was awkward when the girls were comfortable leaning back, propped up on their elbows, leaving me no choice but to follow their example."Cheers!" Cordelia announced. "A big thank you to our favorite teacher, let?s drink to a wonderful evening!"We all raised our glasses and cheered as well. That moment felt wonderful, and I realized for the first time in my life that this had been something I had always missed. Being part of a clique. Belonging. I did have friends, even a best friend, true, but I had never been part of such a close-knit group.I sipped from my champagne."Are the next few lessons all going to have such sexual topics?" Monica asked out of the blue, and I nearly swallowed down the wrong chute.I felt all eyes on me again, and quickly formed a reply. "Only the next one, then it?s going to be the same old boring stuff again, you know, revolutions, wars, treasures and massacres, the fall of empires and the rise of new ones. Like I said, boring stuff.""Gosh, you?re so funny!" Cordelia?s declaration, accompanied by the chiming giggles of her friends, made me look at her.To underline her point, she put her hand on my shoulder. In the blink of an eye the room became steaming hot, and I was sure that the touch of her fingers burned little holes through the fabric of my dress, because I could feel the sparks dance directly on my skin."I wouldn?t mind if we spent more time on libertinism though."Her hand trailed down my back and my body stiffened. She wouldn?t start something with all her friends here, would she? But thankfully, her actions were hidden from view by our bodies, and then her hand left me and I could finally draw a breath again."It?s so fascinating," she declared, her voice filled with admiration, "the idea that anything would allowed that is possible, that sexual morale is just an embodiment of social pressure."Now her hand was there again, her fingers wrapping around my bare upper arm like a shackle, burning deeply into my skin and binding me to her hypnotic voice."What do you," and she emphasized the ?you?, rolled it on her sweet tongue like a candy, "think about it? Does power, through wealth or sexuality, allow us to step over the boundaries society has drawn up for us?""Of course not!" I quickly opposed her, trying to get the words out before her delicious touch could work its magic and make all my thoughts a jumbled mess again.